Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Spazmo Sunday

FYC: "Spazmo Sunday" - Sacrilegious sequel to 'Freaky Friday', the Disney hit that was made three times too many. Catholic priest Father Gilroy has been molesting his choir boys for many years, and has been especially keen on abusing cherubic-faced Tommy Dolan. But one Sunday Mass, just before Gilroy is going to 'annoint his holy water' on the boys in his weekly 'special service', Tommy fervently prays to Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception to swap bodies with the pederast cleric, and lo and behold, his prayers are answered!

Comedic rape hi-jinks aplenty ensue, as Tommy revenge-buggers the priest possessing his body mercilessly and drinks the whole supply of communion wine, before realising that he will eventually have to return to his body, and mustn't perforate his own anus too badly.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Clear Freedom

FYC: "Clear Freedom" - Tom Cruise directs and stars in CGI black-face as Nelson Mandela in this deeply misguided and highly counter-factual bid for Academy recognition and artistic riposte to 'The Master'.

Co-starring John Travolta as saffer Scientology hero John McMasters and Jack Black as L Ron Hubbard, who nobly 'clear' the young Mandela of his Engrams in his jail cell through Dianetic telepathy, all the while cleverly allaying suspicions by sending letters of vociferous support for Apartheid and offers of assistance to the South African regime, and declaring the sub-humanity of 'Bantus'.

Hubbard and McMaster's brilliant strategy of outwardly appearing to be evil, racist, unscrupulous, crazy and power-hungry bastards works, and after only thirty years Mandela is able to finally break down the walls of Apartheid and his reactive mind after reaching Operating Thetan Level 3.

The film ironically created a surge in the need for psychiatric medication in South Africa.