Monday, 13 May 2013

Down and Out in Washington, D.C.

FYC: "Down and Out in Washington, D.C." - Sean Penn stars and directs in magic-realist fable in the tradition of Jerzy Kosinski, Paulo Coelho and Frank Capra in which Adam Panandros, a learning-disabled homosexual, is goaded into running for the presidency as a joke by vicious internet trolls... but soon it is Adam who is laughing, as he somehow wins over the hardest hearts in America and becomes a front-runner on a simple platform of his natural innocence and warmth... and his stock answer to all questions of "SMILES AND HUGS!"

The National Down Syndrome Society has called the film "patronisingly offensive at best" and urged a boycott, but Penn has argued that he is promoting inclusiveness and portraying a positive role-model for the learning disabled - in an effort to prove his sincerity and deflect criticism, he has vowed to stay in character as 'Adam' until he wins an Oscar.

Sunday, 12 May 2013

Tunnel of Love

FYC: "Tunnel of Love" - Tragi-comic hijinks in Hampstead as a bungling necrophile ring uses a secret abandoned nuclear bunker to dig passages under Highgate cemetery so they can stealthily procure and violate its famous deceased residents' corpses without detection.

But their nocturnal shenanigans take a dangerous and unexpected turn when, unbeknownst to our protagonists, Levi Roots has to find a quick dumping ground for a toxic batch of Reggae-Reggae Sauce, and chances upon the bunker... Will the necrophiles get to have their way with Karl Marx's skeleton and escape before they drown in sub-standard jerk marinade?

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

"James Bond: Slatch For Yesterday"

FYC: "James Bond: Slatch For Yesterday" - Another thrilling realist outing for the world's favourite spy, as he spends four days puking and shitting himself in a Mumbai hotel room after getting heat-exhaustion, culminating in a tense four hour wait for a delivery boy to give him a SIM card from a cell phone that once may have been borrowed by a rogue Pakistani ISS agent. But back in the UK, will Q be able to work out which of the numbers on the call log belongs to the terrorists, or will he simply supply all four hundred numbers to the USA and have them order the Indians to just round everyone up for rendition to Gitmo?