The Sermon of The Young Jesus, After Encountering the Beasts
Yea, verily, near Nazareth there was a town called Magdalene. And in that town there was a whore named Mary, and she was envious of Jesus and his miracles, since she was known as a maker of miracles herself.
This Mary had a most amazing ass. So amazing was her ass, that people came from many miles away to see it, and if they were lucky, ride it. And Mary the whore was proud of her miraculous ass, and challenged Jesus to shew the people a greater miracle if he could.
When Jesus saw Mary, her beauty, and her miraculous ass, he was afeared and fell to his knees. But THE LORD gave him strength, and he proclaimed: "Verily, Mary, thou hast a fine ass, but I will tame it, and show my dominion over you and your ass, for I am also thine Father [some sources say:'Daddy'] !"
Jesus then spanked that ass. He spanked it so good and hard, that Mary screamed aloud. Then Our Saviour mounted that ass and rode it ragged for hour after hour, all the while laughing and whooping, till Mary was most vexed and shouted out "Verily thou art my Father [Daddy]! Now get off my ass, your mighty riding has worn it out!"
And The Lord was most pleased.
And the next day, he was asked to perform another miracle involving beasts, when he had to tame a pair of frothing hot black bitches in the next city...